First clerk, 10 seconds after I walk in the door:
“Hi, how are you today?”
You don’t care how I am today, so why are you asking? You breezed past without even looking at me, so you missed my sideways stare and soundless mumble-mouthing. But I appreciate that: I really hate it when your colleagues stand in front of me with a practiced grin and actually expect me to engage in banal conversation with a stranger when I really just want to see if they have the two-for-one tank tops in red.
Second clerk, 90 seconds after the first clerk:
“Can I help you find something?”
I’m looking for clothing, therefore I came here, to a clothing store. Oh, look! Clothing. Phew. Didn’t know if I could locate it there for a minute.
Third clerk, about 90 seconds after the second clerk:
“Can I help you find something?
Why yes, you can. I’m looking for something that is out of style, yet stylish, sort of an unreconstructed-hippie meets upscale-bistro sundress kinda look that’s machine washable, not orange or yellow or lime green, not polyester yet doesn’t require a lot of ironing, does not require dry cleaning or hand-washing, that is in my size and about 50% off. Got anything like that?
I wish online shopping had a fitting room. Then I’d never set foot in a store again.
9 responses so far ↓
1 Elizabeth Clement // Jul 4, 2008 at 7:37 pm
“I wish online shopping had a fitting room. Then I’d never set foot in a store again.”
That so succinctly sums up the exact feeling I’ve had for the last decade. Up to and including shoes (Zappos.com rocks). I don’t, however, care to deal with shipping stuff back or waiting for a simple size change to get shipped back so I try to only shop online at stores where I know I can return stuff in person (albeit grudgingly). Old Navy is good for that. And I try to do all my online purchasing through Ebates as well. Cuz I’m a cheap bitch, capiche?
2 claire // Jul 4, 2008 at 8:22 pm
I buy all my shoes online now at marylandsquare.com, because they have every single style in narrow. Narrow shoes at most stores: zero zip nada. Nordstrom or Talbots may carry narrows in a blue moon, and usually only on $98 4″ heels.
I’d probably shop longer if the happy slappy sales clerks didn’t drive me kerflooey.
3 Joseph H. Vilas // Jul 4, 2008 at 10:00 pm
Having worked in retail for a while: (1) It’s their job. (2) If management could figure out how to install telepathy in their heads for maybe three cents, they would have done it already — both to discern what you wanted, and so each store drone could share info on what customer has already been approached. (3) They might not want to be there any more than you do, especially on a holiday, even if they are getting paid. (4) Since everyone seemed polite, is it asking too much merely to be polite in return? They probably have enough people already engaging in retail therapy with them as it is, or window shopping with no intent to do anything but maybe go home and buy the crap online anyway. Then there’s the true “window shoppers,” the outright thieves, and the just plain creepy to discern between and deal with.
If your ideal shopping involves interacting with as few people as possible and as minimally as possible, then for whatever you can’t do online, just pay someone else to do for you. If you pay enough money and you’re lucky, maybe you’ll like that person and they won’t rip you off.
4 Joseph H. Vilas // Jul 4, 2008 at 10:05 pm
Or just go to Sears. 99% of the time, no one approaches me in there unless I clearly want to be approached, which means I always have to run around and find someone to ask a question.
5 claire // Jul 6, 2008 at 8:00 am
I’ve worked in retail myself, and I am always polite to retail clerks. I even hang up clothes that other customers have dropped on the floor.
I don’t actually *say* any of those things. That’s why I have a blog.
6 Joseph H. Vilas // Jul 6, 2008 at 9:20 am
OK, I feel lots better now.
7 --Lisa S. // Jul 6, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Claire, let me know if you find the unreconstructed-hippie-meets-upscale-bistro sundress kinda look. Didn’t find it at Goodwill today.
That paragraphical response you provided would be a good riff for a shopping movie character! Joe can play the sales clerk.
8 Valerie // Jul 7, 2008 at 4:38 pm
I think the UHMUB look is what Coldwater Creek is about, if you can take Southpoint.
9 claire // Jul 7, 2008 at 7:07 pm
Yeah, CC and Chico’s is pretty much why I was at Southpoint. Other than feeling besieged by overly attentive sales personnel, I can “take” it. It’s just a place with stores, and if some of them stock things that I might want to buy I don’t have an issue with going there. I don’t feel like I have to assert my boho cred by refusing to go to the mall.
Besides, where the hell else is there to shop around here besides malls? The People’s Clothiers?
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