cronereport.com crone report
cronereport.com · Is it happy hour yet?

The Joys of Cronedom

March 8th, 2008 · 4 Comments

Hey! I’m doing well. I only have 19 of the 35 symptoms of menopause.

And no, I’m not going to tell you which 19.

  1. Hot flashes, flushes, night sweats and/or cold flashes, clammy
    feeling
  2. Irregular heart beat
  3. Irritability
  4. Mood swings, sudden tears
  5. Trouble sleeping through the night (with or without night sweats)
  6. Irregular periods; shorter, lighter periods; heavier periods,
    flooding; phantom periods, shorter cycles, longer cycles
  7. Loss of libido
  8. Dry vagina
  9. Crashing fatigue
  10. Anxiety, feeling ill at ease
  11. Feelings of dread, apprehension, doom
  12. Difficulty concentrating, disorientation, mental confusion
  13. Disturbing memory lapses
  14. Incontinence, especially upon sneezing, laughing; urge incontinence
  15. Itchy, crawly skin
  16. Aching, sore joints, muscles and tendons
  17. Increased tension in muscles
  18. Breast tenderness
  19. Headache change: increase or decrease
  20. Gastrointestinal distress, indigestion, flatulence, gas pain,
    nausea
  21. Sudden bouts of bloat
  22. Depression
  23. Exacerbation of existing conditions
  24. Increase in allergies
  25. Weight gain
  26. Hair loss or thinning, head, pubic, or whole body; increase
    in facial hair
  27. Dizziness, light-headedness, episodes of loss of balance
  28. Changes in body odor
  29. Electric shock sensation under the skin and in the head
  30. Tingling in the extremities
  31. Gum problems, increased bleeding
  32. Burning tongue, burning roof of mouth, bad taste in mouth, change
    in breath odor
  33. Osteoporosis (after several years)
  34. Changes in fingernails: softer, crack or break easier
  35. Tinnitus: ringing in ears, bells, ‘whooshing,’ buzzing etc.

Tags: Aging · Health

4 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Phil // Mar 8, 2008 at 2:09 pm

    I have at least seven of them. Should I be freaking? :-)

    Regarding No. 13 - -a friend in Mexico (from Seattle) was just telling me about her own experiences with that from a few years ago. Holy freakin’ cats, man. That’s one you’d sure hope you knew was coming, else you’d think “Alzheimer’s at 53?!”

    I don’t mean to make light, either. Alzheimer’s or other forms of dementia are the scariest thing I can imagine — for my parents and/or for me. It takes a lot of work to not obsess over it. (See symptoms 10, 11 and 22).

  • 2 claire // Mar 8, 2008 at 2:32 pm

    Barry’s convinced I’m up to the Z in Alzheimer’s anyway. I can never remember whether he’s going to the ad hoc committee on the east end connector meeting on tuesday night or the democratic party executive committee meeting on wednesday night, or if it’s his saturday night or friday night poker game that got moved this month…I swear I need a score card to keep up with him.

  • 3 Elizabeth Clement // Mar 10, 2008 at 1:57 pm

    See, he needs to just write that shit down. No fair for you to have to remember. I’ve got a 12-year advantage and I’d need the score-card too. Not being able to remember his crazy schedule doesn’t mean you’re Alz-y…it means he’s too fukkin’ busy. ;)

  • 4 barry // Mar 11, 2008 at 3:05 pm

    i’ve always said that when my life gets too busy for me to keep my schedule in my head, i’d start giving stuff up.

    i missed one meeting last year just by spacing, but so far, i’m keeping it together.

Leave a Comment